Did you know....
That about one in four teens reports verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse each year. Approximately 72% of students in 8th and 9th grade report that they are "dating." By the time they are in high school, 54% of students report dating violence among their peers.
Although dating violence does occur at school, it is definitely not the only place it happens. Teen dating violence takes place at the home of one of the partners at least 50% of the time. It can also happen at school events, one of the partners' vehicles or in public, such as at a mall, restaurant or party.
One in three teens report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked (strangled) or otherwise physically hurt by his or her partner. More then 30% of teenagers do not tell anyone about being victimized by their partner – less than 3% report the abuse to the police or other authority figure and only 3% tell a family member about the violence.
Nearly 80% of girls who have been physically abused in their dating relationships continue to date their boyfriend. Why? Victims remain in these relationships for various reasons, such as; fear, love, promises to change, isolation, blaming themselves or thinking no one will believe them. The real question that needs to be asked however is this: WHY DOES HE ABUSE HER?
Nearly one in five teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend had threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a break-up. Leaving is the most dangerous time in a violent relationship. Leaving as a teen is especially dangerous due to the limited resources.
Victims of dating violence may become withdrawn or fearful; they may experience extremes in moods and behaviors towards others. Victims may also have difficulty making decisions and experience increased sadness, anxiety or anger. These may be accompanied by feelings of guilt, shame and humiliation. Victims also may become isolated or withdraw from activities. They may become involved in risky or illegal behavior and may cut classes or have failing grades. Victims can experience mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress and dissociation. The rates of sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy are also higher for victims of dating violence. Often people around the victim notice these changes but don’t know what is causing them or how to talk to the victim about the changes.
Almost 70% of young women who have been raped knew their rapist either as a boyfriend, friend, or casual acquaintance. Unfortunately sexual violence happens more often than people would like to admit. Rape is rape…the law makes no determination based on the relationship of the parties. It is estimated that 2/3 of women in domestic violence relationships are raped by their partner, including people in dating relationships. Often this type of rape is the most violent; it is an act partners do to show their control over their victim.
Drugs and alcohol do not cause a person to be violent. Battering and addiction are two separate issues that are often intertwined. In one batterer’s program 80% of the men had abused alcohol at the time of the latest incident. The majority of the men, however, reportedly abused their partners when not using alcohol. It is important to know that even if an abusive partner gets addiction treatment it isn't likely the abuse will just stop.
By believing the abuse would stop if they did what the abusive partner wanted them to do, the victim is operating under the mistaken belief that they have control of the situation. In reality, all abusive relationships are based on POWER and CONTROL. The abusive partner has all of the power and control, and the victim has none. Unfortunately because of this reality, nothing the victim does or doesn't do will make a difference. The abusive partner is choosing to use this abusive behavior and may look for excuses to display power and control.
"Dating Abuse Statistics." Choose Respect. Apr2008. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and Department of Health and Human Services. 07Mar 2008 <www.chooserespect.org>.
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. "Dating Violence." Fact Sheets (2005) 1-2. April 2008 <http://www.ncadv.org/files/datingviolence.pdf>.
